For years, I have searched high and low for the perfect Mac & Cheese recipe. It has become an obsession. Seriously, I have tried hundreds of recipes and all have been really good but just not right. None of them are the One! I own hundreds of cookbooks and even more magazines all boasting of the "Perfect" Mac & Cheese. I get so excited with each new recipe that I can"t wait to try it. Hot out of the oven I dive in only to be disappointed with the result.

I am not even sure what I have been looking for or what's been missing from the recipes. All I know is that I just haven't found it. I have worn out family members by asking them to continually bring new versions of the dish to the latest family get-together. And every time, with every bite, I am disappointed. Not that the dishes are great, they are! It's just that something is missing. But what?

I have tried "Grown Up Mac & Cheese", "Four Cheese Mac & Cheese" and Martha Stewart's Mac & Cheese, each promising to be the perfect combination of ingredients. I must say that I still remember the "Grown Up Mac & Cheese". It was divine! Creamy Blue Cheese crumbles and some other delicious gourmet cheese. But still, it just didnt do it for me. I am exhausted with the search. I am becoming bitter about it to say the least. I am frustrated with myself for being so picky and frustrated with everyone else for not providing the version I desire.

While doing my grocery shopping last week in Target, I ran across Cooking Light's newest magazine "Cooking Light - Recipe Makeovers-New Twists on your Favorite Dishes". I bought it of course. Partly because I am always looking for new ways to cut calories and fat and prepare healthier meals for my family. But mostly because the cover boasted a gorgeous bowl of WHAT ELSE? Mac & Cheese!

Upon returning home and starting dinner, I logged into Facebook, my usual cooking companion, and checked the daily posts of friends. I ran across one from a dear sweet friend of mine from high school. She had posted a precious picture of her children and I was anxious to see more so I went to her page. I spent the remainder of my cooking time admiring the photos of her family. Then it hit me...MAC & CHEESE!

I felt this strange craving for Mac & Cheese. It was weird. But, as I looked through her family photos, memories of times spent with them throughout high school came rushing back. I spent countless hours at their house and specifically remember one very special night that her Mom had invited me and my family over for dinner to celebrate my birthday with their family. I was so honored by the invitation. I really couldnt believe it was all for me and I felt so special. The meal was wonderful. The time with their family was wonderful too. Her Mom made it even more special by showering me with gifts. I specfically remember a beautiful red satin blouse and jeans that were given to me in just the right size. I had never had anything so wonderful, so luxurious or so personal. But, the thing that I have remembered all these years, even more than the red satin blouse was what she served for dinner. Pot roast and the most wonderful Mac & Cheese I had ever had in my life!

Ahhh, now I get it. There will never be a Mac & Cheese that will measure up to those memories. Never. Because it's not about the Mac & Cheese at all. It's about the feelings that I have associated with Mac & Cheese and have tried to replicate all these years. Looking back, I can remember that her Mom's Mac & Cheese was served at just about every family dinner I attended. It was always there. And it was always my favorite. I knew I could count on it, just like I knew I could count on their family to be there for me and to make me feel special.

So, the search for the perfect Mac & Cheese has ended. I realize now that I wasnt really searching for Mac & Cheese. I have been searching for and holding onto the comfort and security it provided many years ago. I guess that security and comfort is why I have always felt that Mac & Cheese should be a part of family gatherings. Because to me...it symbolizes everything that family should be. I am forever grateful to her family and especially her Mom for taking me in and making me feel so special. It is because of her example that I love putting together extravagant birthday celebrations for my family where there is ALWAYS Mac & Cheese! I love that my children LOVE their birthdays! I LOVE that they feel special!

Thank you so much for the very special memories and for loving me like one of yours! Your hospitality and compassion will never be forgotten as it is forever etched in my heart and on the hearts of my children.

And now that I know why my soul craves Mac & Cheese, I also know that it is more about Love than anything and I can embrace it. Here's to Mac & Cheese and celebrating those that we love!