My husband says I'm a "fixer". A "fixer", what the heck is a "fixer"? When he said that to me the first time a few months ago, I thought he was out of his mind and I told him so. I said, "That's ridiculous, I am not a "fixer" whatever that is!". What I didn't tell him was that he knows me better than I know myself and if he says I am a "fixer" then I probably am, and I better start trying to figure out what that is!

After a few weeks, with this new classification of myself in my head, I began to see myself a little differently. I began to notice that I was doing this "fixer" thing without even thinking about it; while doing ten thousand other things! Every time one of my kids mentioned a problem at school or with a friend, I would immediately go into my "fixer-mode". My husband would mention something that happened at work and there I would go...see a problem, hand out a solution! OMG! I am so totally a "fixer"!!!! He was right!(again). The more conscious I became of my actions, the more I noticed that I was handing out solutions like Halloween candy!

The thing is...I like being a "fixer", it's a peacful place for me. I like order and I am most uncomfortable in caos. I think I subconsciously identify solutions quickly because I dont like living in the gray. It's not a comfy place for me. I see a problem as an opportunity for making something better and attempt to correct it as quickly as possible. This is my "comfy couch", my saving grace in a world of caos.

The problem with being a "fixer" is that not everyone sees things the way you do. Not everyone who appears to have a problem thinks it needs to be fixed. A situation that appears to be a "fixer upper" by my standards isn't always a "fixer upper" by someone else's. Some people like living in the "gray". Not me, I simply cannot live that way. When it comes to making decisions, I see things as black and white, no gray for me. I never have and I dont think I ever will.

The heartbreak comes for me when there are loved ones and acquaintences that I simply cannot fix. The ones whose lives seem burdened by caos, poverty and addictions. The ones whose lives seem overrun by making the same bad decisions over and over and over. The reality is that they simply do not want to be "fixed". They are simply comfortable in the gray and I am heartbroken. Help me Lord to leave the "fixin" to you.