Letting Go

What's the hardest thing about being a Mom? NOT being a Mom...letting go of control and decision making, allowing your half-grown children to get a Mohawk if they want, allowing them to stay out until four in the morning because they feel they can take care of themselves, resisting the temptation to slap their mouth when they backtalk out of frustration in their fight for independence and keeping your mouth shut when they make bad decisions so that you dont say "I told you so". Letting go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I hate it. It goes against everything I have been doing for them for the past 18 plus years, it doesnt even feel right, it feels like I am a bad parent.

I keep reminding myself that this will pass and they will cling to all that we have taught them...that this "Phase" as everyone likes to call it, will end and they will be stronger because of it. Uugghhhhh....I cant take it anymore. How do you know when enough is enough? How do you know when to let go....

Probably when they start blaming you for all of their mistakes, probably when you are the reason they hate their life, probably when nothing you do is right in their eyes. But, I am pretty sure it's when your daughter says "GO AWAY" and your son comes home with a Mohawk and says "I got this for YOUR  family reunion". It's time.  It's their way of saying "I got this and I can do this on my own without your help, you are making me crazy!". It's time to walk away and let them do it...they are begging for the freedom which we have been preparing for them to have.

So why is it sooo hard to let them go...why am I so afraid? Why do I still feel the need to rush in when they MIGHT fall? Don't I trust in what I have been teaching them, havent I given them everything they need to be responsible adults?

Yes, I have given them everything that I have...physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...they have gotten it all, there is no more to give.

I guess that explains the sheer exhaustion, the helplessness and the feeling that I have lost control. I am exhausted because I have nothing left to give. I feel helpless because I am not suppose to have any more answers, and I feel like I have no control because I am not supposed to have control right now, with God's help, they are. This is the way God intended it to be. It's God's way of telling me that there is nothing left for me to do. It is my time to rest and let them be who we have raised them to be. 

Ok, Lord. I am handing you the baton. I have run my course and I have run a good race. I trust in myself as a Mom and what I have left on the field. I trust you in carrying them the rest of the way as you have carried us this far.

With tears streaming down my face, I let go of them and know that I have done what you have asked of me. I am here if they need me and I know that they will. I think I need a nap.