Relocating Self

Still wondering, still waiting...still searching. Who is this person I see in the mirror? Where is the person that God created me to be...the creative, fearless, confident woman? I thought I knew but lately I look in the mirror and dont know who is looking back. I am really happy too, but, I cant make a decision to save my life. I feel uncertain of what to do, where to do it and why. Could it be my life is changing? Here we go again....

For the past 18 years, I have been raising four wonderful kids. So much fun, so many trips to the zoo with the school. I cant begin to count how many times I have been on that field trip or been a Room Mom or Field Day attendant...oh the memories. Love them all so much.

Fast forward eighteen years and here I am with absolutely no field trips to attend, no field days in which to participate and longing for a trip to the zoo(not really, lol). But, you get the idea...what the heck am I supposed to be doing now? Prior to children I worked 14 hour days designing Hotel interiors and loved every minute of it! No way I could go there again, nothing would be the same. So, I float from project to project, idea to idea trying to "find" myself. Havent I already done that? You would think!

It's so frustrating not to know this person I have become. I keep taking steps like the old me would have done...big risky ones, and then this cautious Mom person keeps pulling on the reigns. What the heck! How have I become soooo cautious and predictable? I dont like this new me or whomever this is!

I want the old me back, the one with no fear, no inhibitions, no caution lights! I want to take a chance again on something...on me. Ever feel this way? Surely I am not the only one...surely this is normal, right? Is this that "empty nest thing"?